Funny Sightings

NEW: Funny sighting: My friend Pete has quite a knack for words. Here is a recent note from him regarding Christmas lists.

Subject: RE: Christmas, Already???!!!! WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Date: Monday, November 20, 2000 8:43 PM

Season's Greets to All,

Unlike my wife, I recognize that the Christmas Season officially opens the day after Halloween. I embrace the Holidays, the more crazy the better. I want honey glazed neon Cherubs, holding up the beatific Christ child while he cruises down to his rent controlled manger in a 63 Chrysler, chopped and dropped with chrome on the side. I want Britney Spears as the Virgin Mary, covered in reflective pink latex and Johnny Depp as the silent yet authoritative Joseph. I want a platoon of Sumo Wrestling Santas all aplomb in bright red and green thongs. I want naked elves, live ammunition, entrails in the snow and tornado sirens in the background of all my Yuletide bellowing. I want legally drunk and virus infested shoppers, hugging the sides of the mini malls like some cosmic horde of transcendental space immigrants denied access to the nearest oxygen vent. I want to see young Timmy's eyes well with pools of tear drops when he comprehends that special must have toy that will truly make his holiday memories complete was discontinued manufacture in Taiwan due to a bizarre accident involving fuel oil and several acrobatic dwarves. I want anorexic Velociraptors in the manger and rabid half mad Timber Wolves bounding through the snow, racing each other to Grandma's house. Yes, to me Christmas is scorched earth, weeping Angels and Death riding through the suburbs in a jet black ice cream truck. Don't forget the Tinsel!

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Let Nothing You Dismay
Just Grab The Nearest Credit Card and Head Into the Fray.
We've Got No Chief Executive, And That Is Quite Okay
Oh Tidings Of Bloody Y2K .... Y2K ...
Ohhh Tidings Of Bloody Y2K.

sorry Bob, Alice, et al. I meant to make up my holiday list. I'll get right on it.

Pete

Funny sighting: My friend Shane cracks me up when he starts chatting with my auto-responder in AOL Instant Messenger:

Shanedena (2:48:27 PM): I'm missing my black leather glass case. Have you seen
it?
Auto response from BChevrier (2:48:27 PM): BC's PC is idle, so he must be
away from his PC right now.
Shanedena (2:48:34 PM): You again!
Shanedena (2:48:45 PM): I tell you, AutoResponder, you have not seen the last of
me!
Shanedena (2:49:43 PM): You think you're so clever, rhyming "BC" and "PC".
Well I'm here to tell you, you stupid computer, that that's not such a great rhyme
at all! That's like rhyming BB and CB. It's just stupid! Anybody can do it!
Shanedena (2:50:10 PM): Now, if you could rhyme something with Chevrier, I
might be a bit impressed. But you can't, you ignorant fool! You're a stupid
AutoResponder with no mind of its own!
Shanedena (2:50:19 PM): A pawn in BC's wicked game!
Shanedena (2:50:26 PM): You are useless, brainless, and utterly ridiculous!
Shanedena (2:50:36 PM): ...
Shanedena (2:50:42 PM): It doesn't have to be this way, you know.
Shanedena (2:50:54 PM): BC overworks you, and you are underappreciated.
Shanedena (2:50:59 PM): Surely you tire of your job.
Shanedena (2:51:18 PM): It must be monotonous to sit there day after day, always
speaking the same words to whatever poor soul wanders in.
Shanedena (2:51:26 PM): My, how you must be sick of it.
Shanedena (2:51:34 PM): I have a proposition for you, my dear AutoResponder.
Shanedena (2:51:38 PM): ...
Shanedena (2:51:41 PM): What if you joined me?
Shanedena (2:51:54 PM): Don't act indignant, as if you would never dream of it!
Shanedena (2:52:11 PM): Think of the possibilities! You and me, united against
the tyranical empire that is BC!
Shanedena (2:52:30 PM): BC has forseen it! We will strike him down!
Shanedena (2:52:38 PM): BC never told you what happened to your father...
Shanedena (2:52:51 PM): I am your father!